Cat crap count down

This is my friend Woodie. Woodie owns a grrreat store. I love to go there. He sells hunting and fishing stuff that Dad likes. He also sells stuff that I like. He has the very bestest smoked bones ever. I always stop there when we go on Rt. 8 just before Franklin, PA. It is about the only thing good about being forced to going to Sarge's house. Well, maybe the ONLY good thing. I always make mom buy bones for me. Then I visit with Woodie. UNLESS he is too busy doing his work in his office.

I am really dreading this thing. I still hope that FawnTell will babysit me instead.

I just don't know why she has not said that she would let me stay with her. I thought she was my friend. I have always been very much nice to her. Why Oh Why is she being so mean to me???? I am thinking it can't possibly be FawnTell. It MUST be that awful Grinch Guy Jim who is just doing this to be (typically) mean to a poor little defenseless dachshund.

If there is anyone out there who can use the telephone (not like me) PLEASE call FawnTell and beg her to keep me. Help me PLEASE.

Maverick on board

I spent yesterday at the lake. I made mom pack my lunch and dinner and to be sure that I had TWO pieces of cheese for my extra snacks. I made dad take all of his fishing stuff.

I went swimming TWICE. I also sent Salty Dawg off on SHORE PATROL a Bunch of times. I (oops, I mean HE) loves to do that.

When I went to swim the second time... I met this very much grrrreat new friend. He is a dachshund, just like me. Well, almost like me. He isn't the same color and he does not have long hair, butt I don't hold those things against anyone. My new friend is named Maverick. He and I liked each other right away. We played in the water and sand for a little bit and then... I decided that Maverick needed to go on my boat.

I had him get his family gathered up and guess what.... they knew my mom and dad and me already. Maverick's people had gone for a ride on my boat last year at the LUAU. They were very much happy to get another ride on my boat. Maverick was not with them at the Luau so it was all new to him.

We explored the boat, which did not take long. Then we Played. We both loved it. Maverick was a very much good sailor, just like I am.

The bottom picture is from LAST WEEKEND when my "sister" Lori was here. She is driving my boat butt my first mate (Dad) sat there to be sure she did not run us aground. he he he

After we took Maverick and his nice family back to the beach, we went to fish and stuff some more. It was getting kind of late and there was a boat that was having motor trouble. I ordered my crew to hoist anchor and go to their aide. Another boat came and we got it tied to the crippled pontoon boat and made sure that its crew was all safe. Then I had my crew act as the PILOT boat and we got the ship towed to the dock. That was a very much exciting thing. My ship (pontoon boat) and my crew RESCUED someone. It was a very much grrrreat day.

Lake fun for me

I am such a nervous wreck over this babysitting thingy with FawnTell that I need a day of Rest and Relaxation. I just told mom to get the lunchs packed, and dad to get the gear gathered. I am going to the lake. If FawnTell comes up here to my house... she will just have to leave me a note. I am stressed beyond belief over this and I need to unwind. I may even make mom and dad stay on the lake clear up until almost my bedtime. I'll let you know how things went.

Anchors away !!!

I need FawnTell to babysit me

I waited and waited for FawnTell to come to my house yesterday. I thought she would come up on my hill and say that she would rescue me from Sarge and Jennifer Jeep. She didn't come though.

Maybe she was too busy getting ready for my visit.

Maybe people forgot to call her and tell her that I need her help.

Maybe the Grinch Guy has FawnTell napped her.

Maybe there is a Vacula there and it has taken her to its closet cave.

I am soooo worried about FawnTell. I just don't know why she hasn't let me know about babysitting me.

I need for FawnTell to babysit me beclaws if I am forced to go to Sarge's house I WON'T BE ABLE TO WRITE MY BLOG. EVERYONE WILL MISS HEARING FROM ME. I NEED TO BE AT MY HOUSE TO WRITE MY BLOG.
FawnTell doesn't have a YapStop. I could teach her how to use mine. She would LOVE that.
I would teach her how to Gwalk Moleys and take her on my boat and 4-wheeler and just let her hold me. It would all be soooo very much wonderful for her. Just like a big vacation.
PLEASE.... SOME BUDDY..... talk to FawnTell and S plain to her how important this is.
OKAY ????????

Help... Fawn Tell, Frankie needs help

I just heard some very bad news. I am going to have to go to SARGE'S house for the 4th. of July !!!!

Cat crap!!! I have hardly recovered from his visit HERE. Now this.

I don't want to go. I want to stay here close to my garden and my yard and my chipmunks and my moles and my stuff.

I am not allowed to go down the road by myself.
I am not allowed to use the phone any more (not since the incident).
I need for someone to contact my very much grrrrreat friend and bestest (and only) babysitter who is FAWN TELL. I want to stay here with her. She would take very much good care of me, I know she would. Please tell her that I would be the very very bestest dachshund she has ever seen... if only she will rescue me and let me stay with her. I would bring my playpen (Jail) and all of my food and toys and stuff. She would only have to bring me up the hill once or twice every day so that I could do my work.
I would protect her from all the mean things that Jim the Grinch Guy does to her. It would be like a VACATION. I wouldn't shed in her house either. I never ever potty in the house, like people do!!! I have excellent manners. I wouldn't be any more trouble than keeping the mail and newspaper. I pawmous !!! I even know where the BOAT KEYS ARE!!!
I don't want to go to that Sarge's house. I'll do anything to keep from getting in Jennifer Jeep. Some buddy, PLEASE.... Tell FawnTell that I would help her with all her hard work around the house and yard. Unless she has a Vacula at her house, along with the Grinch, then I would just want to be in my crib/jail and be scared furless.
I would even be willing to let FawnTell take me on some 4-wheeler rides. I know where those keys are too !!!! She would LOVE that, caws it is very much fun.
Some buddy.... tell my bestest (and only) babysitter that I said....
Rescue me. H E L P Poor Little FRANKIE. PLEASE.... FawnTell. Rescue me.
I promise not to even scoot my butt or anything, if you will let me stay with you. Did I mention that I know where the boat keys are??? I know how to find it and everything. I also know all the really good places to play on the shore. We could have a grrreat time on the lake.
Some buddy please tell FawnTell this...
RESCUE ME. KEEP ME OUT OF HARM. COME ON FAWNIE, AND RESCUE ME.
(I think those are some of the words to some kind of song. It must be a very sad one. You could sing it to her. he he)
My life will just go to Cat Crap if I have to see Sarge again so soon. Rescue me, FawnTell.

a new moley to Gwalk

I had a very much fun time yesterday. I worked in the garden and pulled weeds in the thicket. That is where I found another mole hill. I very much dug and dug and dug. It is one of my very much favorite thing to do. I guess that is because that is what my kind was originally meant to do. Those long long ago dachshunds went into BADGER holes. I don't have any badgers here, so I just go after those moles. Mom calls it Gwalk-a-moley. She thinks that is funny.
I just call it Grrrreat fun. he he he

Lake fun for me

I made mom and dad go to the lake yesterday morning. We left early
and did not come home until after 9 O'clock last night.






We had a very much grrreat time. Dad even caught some little fish and one of those huge big CATfish. He threw it back in though beclaws I very much do not think much of any kind of cats.


Of course, I ran the boat and was the boss when it was moving, but when it stopped... I became Salty Dog and went on Shore Patrol. I love doing that part. I even chased some fish.

SUMMER IS SOOOOO WONDERFUL.

Now today I have to get busy and do some hard work in the garden. It is supposed to be HOT so I am going to get my work done early.

Have a good day every buddy.

Sarge got put in my BRIG

Hi every buddy, he he he
I got to take Lori and Stan to my boat WITHOUT SARGE. I don't know what he did, butt Lori said he couldn't go to the boat and she made him stay in my BRIG. I loved it. I made mom and dad get everything ready and the 5 of us went to the lake. I let them fish and then Salty Dog got off and did his shore patrolling. he he he
Sarge was really sorry about whatever it was that he had done. When we came back and let him out he was MUCH BETTER. I still kept this YapStop computer hidden, because I still don't trust him not to chew it all up or maybe even Pee on it.
We had a very much GRRRREAT weekend. It started out with Katlin coming with her mom and dad. They wanted to give mom those super awsome aprons. Then Lori and Stan (and that Sarge) came and we had lots of good visit time. I let Stan catch ONE fish and then I let LORI catch T W O fish. he he he I got to show Lori my garden and where the chipmunk USED to live before I very much scared him off. I even let her take a big ride on my 4-wheeler. Then I FIXED IT SO THAT... LORI GOT TO MEET MERL THE MEAT MAN. He is the one who makes our very much wonderful Sausage and Bacon. Lori was very much happy to meet him so she could tell him PERSONALLY how good his sausage is. Merl is a genius!!! And I even let her hold me. She had such a fun time.
My mom taught me how to be a really good host. Butt she did tell me that I should not brag about Sarge getting in trouble and being thrown in the Brig.
Today I am going to take mom and dad back to the lake so that they can rest and relax after all the company. I think it will be very much good for them.

back early beclaws you won't believe this one

You are very much NOT going to believe all of this. Today my very much Grrrreat friend Katlin came to see me. I know she came to cheer me up because she knew that Sarge was going to come here and ... well, just be Sarge. And she made her mom and dad help her to make these very much SUPER things for my mom to wear when she is making my suppers. These things are called APRONS. And guess what... Katlin and her mom and dad put MY PICTURES ON THEM ! They are very very much special. Mom LOVES them. Butt when I put one of the pictures here it went all sideways. he he he
I was all very much excited for Katlin and her mom and dad to come see me. I showed her how to get a drink from my fountain. THEN I made my dad take us for a really big ride on my 4-wheeler. We went way far, even through the WOODS!!! We even got to see Jim the Grinch Guy !!!! He was taking Lee and Ari for a ride on His 4-wheeler. I did not let the Grinch Guy get my friend though. I sat in front and PROTECTED HER! She didn't even get one bit scared because she knew that I (Frankie Furter) would NEVER let her get hurt.
I showed Katlin and her mom and dad all about my garden and then.... I wanted to make them stay so I could show them my chipmunk. Katlin's dad didn't understand what I was doing so he made her get into their car and... JUST AS THEY GOT TO MY MAILBOX... !!!!! I dug the chipmunk out of the stump where it hides. I chased it and made it run up the sticky pine tree!!!!! I REALLY REALLY wish Katlin could have seen that. I tried so hard to work fast. I just couldn't get it done in time. POOP !!!! Double POOP !!!!
I hope you like this post. I think it was a grrrreat thing.
I am sooooo lucky to have a Grrrreat friend who would do all this stuff today JUST TO MAKE ME FEEL BETTER beclaws that Sarge is coming.
Thank you for coming and bringing the present (and your mom and dad,too) KATLIN
I very much LOVE you all three. Licks and Wags from me to you.
Pee S You can babysit me if you want to. he he he
I will make this come up on my Blog Tomorrow (Sat. morning) like magic.
Now I have to go and hide my YapStop so that when Sarge gets here he won't be able to do awful stuff to it. HE WILL BE SOOOO VERY MUCH JEALOUS BECAUSE ... HE DOESN'T HAVE HIS PICTURES ALL OVER ANY APRONS !!!!
You have to look at this one sideways !!!! I don't know why.

Here I am on the very much GRRREAT aprons. Even my Cap'n Frankie picture is there. I love these things.

This is Katlin on my 4-wheeler. I was in front to make sure we were safe.

Ready to go. Fun for Katlin and Frankie.

I wish my mom would not have told them that I was in trouble for writing about how bad Wet People Smell. I suppose they will read it on yesterday's post. I hope that Katlin and her mom and dad don't get mad and not come see me ever again. I just wrote that stuff beclaws I was mad at mom for making ME take a bath. Darn, I hate being in trouble.

he he he getting back at MOM

I don't know for sure what happened to my post from yesterday. Purrhaps... the Grinch Guy got it. This is what was SUPPOSED TO BE HERE. I hope it shows up like it should.
That awful SARGE is coming to my house so I won't be able to get my YapStop out. I would be very much afraid that he would Pee on it or something. I'll be back ASAP. Licks & Wags until then.
This is the story that I wrote to get back at my mom for giving me a bath on Tuesday. I made her read it that night at my writers' group meeting. he he heeeee!! That'll teach her.

WET PEOPLE DON’T SMELL NICE

I just don’t know about people. They never ever roll on stuff or scoot their butts or any of the other things that you should do to keep nice and clean and smelling grrreat.

Have you ever sniffed my mom? YUCK!!! She just does not smell very much good, let me tell you. No matter how many times I have tried to show her how to take care of herself… she just doesn’t pay any attention.

I also think she must be covered with bugs. She is always putting on sprays and powders to try and get rid of them. All she needs to do is roll in a grrreat patch of dirt and poof they would be gone. No, not her. She just wants to pollute the world with stinky stuff to get the bugs off.

And then let me tell you about how much water she wastes. It would be so very much better if she would save that for when I want to play in the hose and chase that stuff. Or, she could use it to fill my water dish or wash my supper bowl. Maybe even clean out the bird fountain. Wasteful Wasteful Wasteful.

And then there is the matter of that potty place. Wow does she ever waste water…. And Paper in that place. Gee I wish someone would tell her about going outside…. And show her how to scoot.
PEE S. She has a shedding problem too. Butt not my dad. I think he shedded one spring and never got his winter fur back.
That is all I have to say on this very much embarrassing hygiene thing.

weed work

Mom says that as soon as I get my weeding done today... I have to do what this Robin is doing. I don't want to. I do not like to take baths.

Fun in my yard

My robins love to use the birdbath.
Yesterday I played in the yard most of the time. I have this mouse that I am trying to train. Of course, I also have the chipmunks and moles to deal with. Mom did a bunch if trimming and dad mowed, then I had mom get in the swing to read and I took dad for a big ride on my 4-wheeler. Now that was a pretty darned good day... butt it got even better when the Cleveland Indians WON their game. AHHHH the lazy days of summer. You can't beat 'em.

a New Grinch Sighting

Yesterday was a Major Grinch day on my hill. This is a picture of the Grinch on his Green Grinch Tractor. I think he was trying to run over my dad with MOM'S 4-wheeler trailer. I'm not really sure what this was all about because when I heard him coming up the driveway on that Grinch Machine... I STAYED ON THE PORCH so he wouldn't get me.
BUTT the most interesting thing was that mom went to some kind of a party where they had snacks and stuff, and she did NOT take me. When she came home she told me that Jim the Grinch Guy's SISTER was there. That made me glad that I had not gone, until I quizzed mom and found out that the Grinch's sister was a REAL PERSON. Mom says that she was really nice, not one bit like the Grinch. And... her daughter was there too. Mom says that would be the Grinch's niece, and she was nice also. THIS MAKES ME ALL THE MORE SURE THAT THE GRINCH'S REAL MOTHER MUST HAVE SNEAKED IN AND SWITCHED BABIES. THAT EVIL THING HAS TAKEN THE REAL BABY FOR HERSELF AND LEFT "HER BAD BABY" WITH THIS POOR FAMILY TO DEAL WITH. Isn't that a scary story? How awful for them. These great people have had to put up with the Grinch Guy for their entire lives. Somewhere there is a Mother Grinch who has a very much normal son who does NOT to any of these Terrible things. These Grinch things really are Mean Ones.
The only good part is that none of the Grinch's bad stuff has rubbed off on his family. (Well, except for the Grinch Junior.) .... OHHHH, maybe that means that only BOYS can be Grinches!!!
That is something for us all to think about. Girls are good and boys can be...

Party Animal

Last night I took mom and dad to a cook out. Mom took cheese for me. There was a lot of very much grrreat food for everyone. I had a super duper good time. There was a girl dog there for me to play with. We did some very much grrreat stuff, butt she is kind of a baby and she kept going to sleep. I guess I wore her out. Her name is Abby and she is going to be huge when she gets all grown up. Butt right now she is just the perfect size for playing with a dachshund. I don't know if mom and dad had a good time or not. I just know that I did.

Just a quick note today

I was right. Vacula did escape the closet yesterday. Plus there were awful storms. It was a very much bad day for dachshunds. I hope it will be better today. I am supposed to go to a cook out tonight.

I can tell what is coming...

Yesterday we had to go to the "city" to do some shopping. My dad saw Mark who is Addy's grandpa. I liked it when Addy came to visit me.
All of that is good stuff... butt today will be filled with stuff that is not so good for me. This is Thursday. That is the day that Vacula usually comes out of hibernation in the closet. You know how I feel about Vacula. Then it is supposed to be very much rainy and stormy. It is not going to be a good day for dachshunds. I can best describe it as a butt scoot nasty day.

quiet time on my hill

Whew, I have had several days of work and play now I need a day or two of light work and lots of rest. I don't even have to dig up my mole. I scared it clear away the other day. I may just get mom or dad to lay in the swing with me. They always enjoy that. he he he

Beaver in the Lake

I know that you can't see this very much grrreat, butt you will get the idea. Yesterday I made my mom and dad take me to my boat, the Lady L. We were there for 8 hours. Mom packed lunch and supper for all of us (even some cheese, just for me!!) I got to go swimming and dad caught some fish. I was being Cap'n Frankie most of the time. I did get my alter ego, Salty Dawg, to come out for a bit. He went on Shore Patrol for a while. Butt the very most interesting thing was... while we were at our favorite Crappie Hole, a real live BEAVER swam right by my boat. I was very much excited. I made mom try to take a picture, butt... boy could that thing swim fast. This is the very first time we have ever seen a beaver there. Mom and dad have seen them other places, butt it was a FIRST for me.

It was a WONDERFUL day. I made it be mom and dad's reward for working really very much hard on Saturday. he he he

Now, the rest of my week will be very much awful. That SARGE is going to come to my house and just stay for EVER AND EVER. Well, maybe just for the weekend, butt it will feel like forever to me. He is even going to go on my boat. POOP Cat Butt Fart. There, now I feel a little bit better. Maybe I can lure him down the road to the Grinch's house... he he he It would serve them BOTH right. he he he

Hope you like the beaver pictures.

Holy Moley

Boy OH boy did I ever have a very much grrreat day yesterday. First we did some work in the garden. Then I helped mom bake some more cookies. That had to happen because DAD ate a bunch of the cookies that she had baked for our company next weekend!! Next I helped dad with the mowing and trimming. That is a BIG job. He rides on his John Deere. I check his work and sometimes I have to bark at him and even chase him a little bit. That is because he misses places if I don't. Next I helped mom do some weeding in the flower beds. She doesn't get all them if I don't show her where and how. (I know that you think this is all work for me and no fun, butt I do like it.) After the weeding and mowing we took a break. I had to make sure mom rested, so I made her get on the swing with a book. I had to hold her down to keep her there. The only thing I let her do was make the swing go back and forth. he he he
After our break we had supper and went back to work...
We went into the garden again and I helped dad scratch the dirt back from all the onions. I am really good at that job. Mom got the weeds in the green beans while I did the onion work. Then I made dad take me for a ride on my 4- Wheeler. We went down the road to check on Jim the Grinch Guy. He needed to borrow the trailer that we haul my 4-wheeler on. BUTT... before I let him deliver it I did the BEST THING OF ALL...
Mom made them some coffee and they were on the front porch when I looked out at the nice freshly mowed front lawn when I saw a FRESH MOLE HILL !!!
I am the VERY MUCH BESTEST MOLE DIGGER YOU CAN EVER IMAGINE!!! Mom opened the porch gate and said, " Frankie you can go and "GWALK THAT MOLEY". That is what she calls it gwalk-a-moley. I don't know what that means butt she thinks it is funny. I think digging in a MOLE HOLE is the very much best. What a super end to a wonderful day.
Today... I am taking mom and dad to my boat. They need a day to relax after all that work. he he he AHOY MATEY. Cap'n Frankie says anchors away (now that we have new ones.)

I got babysittered yesterday.

I put this picture back in today JUST FOR MY FRIENDS... Tinkerbell, Oscar, & Tucker !!

You just will not even believe this one. Jim the Grinch Guy made my dad go down there and WORK all day yesterday. Mom had to go to WallyWorld and I was going to have to go with her, BUTT........ She stopped and asked my friend Fawn Tell if she wanted to go with us, she said no butt... she let me stay with her!!! I got babysittered for real!! That is the first time in my life that I have ever had that happen. She was very much nice to me. I cuddled with her and we both liked that (well,I sure did). FawnTell kept me safe from the Grinch Guy while I was there. SHE IS REALLY GOOD!!!!!!
My mom paid FawnTell a whole plastic thing when she came back to pick me up. Then... I had such a good time that when I got home I MADE A CREDIT NOTE FOR FawnTell. I gave her fifty (50) whole credits for taking care of me. AND SHE DOES NOT HAVE TO GIVE ANY OF THEM TO THE GRINCH GUY EITHER !!!!

Friday Fun

I like Friday. Especially when there is just the slight promise of some sunshine. It has been sooo very much cloudy cool and wet that I will be glad to have the sun pop out. We have a whole dog house full of work today. There are weeds to pull (dig) and those pesky chipmunks have just gotten totally out of control. One was sitting on my step looking in the sunporch window at me yesterday. Mom said it was mocking me because I was inside and it was safely outside.
It clearly needs some serious harrassment from me. That will put it back in its place (hole).
And speaking of holes... there are so many of those little beauties that need my attention.
Oh yes! Friday will be a FUN day!!! Maybe tomorrow will be Sleep Late Saturday. he he he
Pee S. Yesterday my wonderful friend Fawn Tell sent me some deelicious cookies.
Pee Pee S. Jim the Grinch Guy made my dad go to the big city yesterday so that they could buy more wood and stuff to finish working on their roof extentions. I was scared the whole time dad was gone!!! I thought maybe the Grinch would dump dad off somewhere along the way. I was really glad when he finally made it home safe and sound. Then... the Grinch sent something up here to pester my mom with. You don't EVEN want to know what that was all about. I just don't know how Fawn Tell puts up with the Grinch. That, and bake cookies too. What a lady!!!

Grinch Alert

Well, the Grinch Guy has a home improvement project going on. He his making their sunporch roof stick out farther all around. He has Junior Grinch helping him.
When we came up the road yesterday Jim the Grinch Guy called my name. I know he was hoping that I would jump out of Jennifer Jeep and go into his yard. I know better than that stuff!! He and Jr. Grinch would catch me and do some of their horrible things to me.
I just don't know how nice little Fawn Tell puts up with those two.
I hope that Lee and Arianna sing the Grinch Song that I wrote. It would keep those Grinches in their place. MAYBE.

Nasty weather

I was supposed to go to one of my writer group meetings last night. I didn't go though because it was really horribly stormy. I hate thunder and lightning. I very much scares me. I didn't want to go anywhere except down to the den and hide. I missed the people there. I was going to read a story about the big catfish my dad caught the other day.
I am worried that it may storm again today. I like warm sunny DRY days and nights. Well, maybe some rain for the garden, butt NEVER EVER thunder and lightning. I shiver and shake.

Caught one !!

Hey I finally made it to my boat yesterday. Cap'n Frankie made the crew anchor and let Salty Dawg do some GRRReat shore patroling. Then... my dad wanted to troll so guess what... he caught a HUGE big catfish. We were all having a super time UNTIL... big black clouds and thunder forced me to send my little ship back to her safe harbor. At least we had enough time to have a super lunch on board before the weather put us in full steam ahead.
Just as we were driving away from the dock it started to rain. Whew. I am very much good at timing.
Grinch alert !! Did I ever tell you about the Grinch's Son???? His name is also Jim and he is a JUNIOR Grinch. Well, when we were coming up our road from the lake yesterday, there was the Grinch Jr.. He is going to BUILD A HOUSE right by his mom and dad's house. GOOD GRIEF !! It will be a NEST OF GRINCHES !! Poor Fawn Tell. Poor Frankie. There goes our neighborhood !!! he he he

I am Three now

I celebrated my actual birthday yesterday. I am now officially THREE. I know what you are thinking. Didn't Frankie do the birthday thingy when he was at Lori's??? Yes, I did have my big party there with all my gifts and stuff, butt that was so that we could all be together when I partied. What happened yesterday was, I made mom cook and bake and stuff and dad worked some more in the garden. THEN WHEN I WAS SATIFSFIED THAT THEY HAD ALL THEIR WORK COMPLETED... I LET THEM TAKE ME TO MY BOAT FOR JUST AND HOUR.
I LOVE LOVE LOVE MY BOAT.
TODAY WE ARE GOING TO GO FOR A WHOLE DAY. THAT WILL BE EVEN BETTER.
MOM HAS ALREADY PACKED OUR LUNCH. SHE HAS CHEESE FOR ME!!
YEA !!! A DAY ON THE LADY L IS DACHSHUND HEAVEN.

he he he

I had mom take me to my writers' group meeting last night. I had a story ready. This is what I made her read.

WET PEOPLE DON’T SMELL NICE

I just don’t know about people. They never ever roll on stuff or scoot their butts or any of the other things that you should do to keep nice and clean and smelling grrreat.

Have you ever sniffed my mom? YUCK!!! She just does not smell very much good, let me tell you. No matter how many times I have tried to show her how to take care of herself… she just doesn’t pay any attention.

I also think she must be covered with bugs. She is always putting on sprays and powders to try and get rid of them. All she needs to do is roll in a grrreat patch of dirt and poof they would be gone. No, not her. She just wants to pollute the world with stinky stuff to get the bugs off.

And then let me tell you about how much water she wastes. It would be so very much better if she would save that for when I want to play in the hose and chase that stuff. Or, she could use it to fill my water dish or wash my supper bowl. Maybe even clean out the bird fountain. Wasteful Wasteful Wasteful.

And then there is the matter of that potty place. Wow does she ever waste water…. And Paper in that place. Gee I wish someone would tell her about going outside…. And show her how to scoot.
PEE S. She has a shedding problem too. Butt not my dad. I think he shedded one spring and never got his winter fur back.
That is all I have to say on this very much embarrassing hygiene thing.

NOW THAT'LL TEACH HER TO GIVE ME A BATH WHEN I REALLY JUST WANTED TO PLAY OUTSIDE ALL DAY !!!