I had mom take me to my writers' group meeting last night. I had a story ready. This is what I made her read.
WET PEOPLE DON’T SMELL NICE
I just don’t know about people. They never ever roll on stuff or scoot their butts or any of the other things that you should do to keep nice and clean and smelling grrreat.
Have you ever sniffed my mom? YUCK!!! She just does not smell very much good, let me tell you. No matter how many times I have tried to show her how to take care of herself… she just doesn’t pay any attention.
I also think she must be covered with bugs. She is always putting on sprays and powders to try and get rid of them. All she needs to do is roll in a grrreat patch of dirt and poof they would be gone. No, not her. She just wants to pollute the world with stinky stuff to get the bugs off.
And then let me tell you about how much water she wastes. It would be so very much better if she would save that for when I want to play in the hose and chase that stuff. Or, she could use it to fill my water dish or wash my supper bowl. Maybe even clean out the bird fountain. Wasteful Wasteful Wasteful.
And then there is the matter of that potty place. Wow does she ever waste water…. And Paper in that place. Gee I wish someone would tell her about going outside…. And show her how to scoot.
PEE S. She has a shedding problem too. Butt not my dad. I think he shedded one spring and never got his winter fur back.
That is all I have to say on this very much embarrassing hygiene thing.
NOW THAT'LL TEACH HER TO GIVE ME A BATH WHEN I REALLY JUST WANTED TO PLAY OUTSIDE ALL DAY !!!