Case #87-11 Bertie vs .... THEM

ROXY...... are you Dressed and READY fur TRIAL???      Bertie will be meeting us at the Court House...   ARE YOU READY???
    Almost.... Ernie.....  I just need to gather the Visual Aides and my Glasses...
OK..... Let's GO...   You KNOW how CRANKY   Judge gets when we are even 87 seconds late...

 HERE we GO...... and HERE comes   BERTIE.....           Now LASS. don't be pullin any of your Sniffin of what is in my BADGER FURS Sporran.... and   NO lookin under my KILT...

RIGHT BACK AT 'CHA....    Laddie   if you Ken what I'm Sayin...           Why don't I get a Feather on MY Cap???       .....  OH and don't furget.... HERE you are the   PROCURATUR  FISCAL   not the Pawsecuting Attorney...     and DON'T..   be sayin  PHYSICAL or FECAL  Procuratur...    

 Here Bertie   you sit between Roxy and Me...       HERE comes FRANKIE...

ALL RISE....  

ARE all Pawties Present and Ready fur TRIAL???
We are, your Honestlyness.
GOOD....    Court is in SESSION
    {{{THWAAAAAAAP}}}

 Your Hospitable....  We would like to  begin with some Visual Aids....  that my Lassie has ready...

Could we please have the LIGHTS?    
This is our client has fur your Pawroosal...     Bertie will you please Read this into the record?
Thank you Ernie....   I swear this is the Truth...   it all happened on or about .....

THURSDAY, 30 APRIL 2015

A letter to the Big Boss re HOME ALONE

30th April 2015

Dear Head of the Company that Employs Gail,

Re: HOME ALONE

I hope you don’t mind me writing to you like this. Really, to be honest, I wanted to infiltrate the office during one of your recent meetings about company restructuring, and liven things up by sinking my teeth into your ankles, but Gail felt such action might be prejudicial to my case.

From this you will perceive that I am not a happy bunny right now. Actually I am not a bunny at all, but a wire-haired fox terrier with an international following on social media.

OK, first of all I do want to thank you for letting Gail take time off work to care for her sick mother earlier this year. That was awfully nice of you, and awfully nice for me too, as I got to stay in Nottingham with Gail, and not be left at home for much of the day while she goes to work.

Oh but I got such a nasty shock a couple of weeks ago when Gail finally returned to the office. And I was most puzzled ‘cos she keeps telling me that the low oil price means company has little business, but her working day seems to have lengthened by at least an hour, and she never ever comes home to visit me at lunchtime any more. OK, so my lovely dog walker does take me out, but still it’s not the same.

When I queried this longer day, Gail told me that the company has closed the office near to our house as  a cost cutting measure, and she now has to drive (the horror!) 17 miles to work in Banchory. But Gail, I said, surely the firm still has a base in Aberdeen? And Gail said yes indeed they do, but there is supposedly no space for her in that particular office.

Now, Mr Big Boss, I don’t know if you are personally acquainted with Gail but if not, I would like to point out that she really doesn’t take up much room. The leg muscles may have filled out a bit on the recent cycling holiday, but still, I feel sure she could easily be squeezed into some small corner in the Aberdeen premises, which are only a ten minute bike ride from my our house.

Gail tells me that people who work in the oil industry are often expected to relocate to the opposite side of the globe at the drop of a hard hat, and she feels that complaining about a half hour drive to work, most of which is along a pretty country road with little traffic, is not something that will engender much sympathy.

Well that’s as maybe, but I have a suspicion that even the toughest of oilmen has a softer side, one that may be amenable to manipulation when confronted with an adorable but rather lonely wee dog with a plaintive expression on his face.

Please let Gail work in Aberdeen again. PLEASE!

Yours respectfully,

Bertie (not Bouncing right now).

P.S. In the event that I do not receive a positive response by return of post, you should be aware that I am in discussions with my friend Ernie the Attorney, from top US law firm Von Schnitzel, Ketchum and Dedum, about how to take this matter further...

Now  Bertie.   Are there any others who are aware of this....

CERTAINLY.....   I made all this PAWblic Knowledge...  Right on MY BLOG.

And have you had any RELIEF from this UNBELIEVABLE situation, Laddie?  

      NO Ernie I have NOT.....  I am STILL being   In Car Sir Eighted fur nearly 87 hours each day.

Whine Wiffle   Sniffle....   it is SO difficult to Think about Let alone... Speak of...   THAT is why I did chews to retainerate YOU and your Paw Furm...    

That is very understandable...     

    Your Honorarium ....      we feel that Bertie is SUFFERING from this situation.... and that there is NO REASON why his Miss Gail can NOT work from the venue which allows her to attend to my client's every need...     She is known to be SMALL and QUITE AGILE....     We see NO REASON why the Bully Bossy Guy can Not find a small CUBBY fur completing her duties.  Pawhaps even allow her to work right from Bertie's Domicile...   so that he is NOT abandoned  fur like 87 hours per day.    

    We ask that you inform BOSSY GUY that Bertie's Bladder is NOT the size of an OIL DRUM...  and that they PLEASE Explore other options fur Miss Gail's Labor Location...      We ask that you explain that Bertie MISSES Miss Gail...   and that Bertie has the FULL support of his MULTITUDE of FURENDS in this matter.       If this HORROR is not RECTUMfied... we Dread to think what may happen...  it could spur an International Incident...   This Bossy Guy needs to be warned....   that he could receive BOXES and BOXES of FULL POOP BAGS....    

{{{THWAP}}}    Ernie...    I think that you might be getting a bit Graphic and 

  CLOSE to trying to take over MY job...

I believe that I have enough information to Paw Seed with a Finding...

     I will give you that TOMORROW....

COURT is ADJOURNEYED

{{{  THWAPPppp}}}

OKAY......   Roxy....  where are my CLUBS and my Golfing Togs....   Bertie and I need to have some time together to Unwind and RELAX...

    Come Laddie.... let's HIT the LINKS...

SIGH......    Here Ernie.....        

And Bertie....  this Bag is fur YOU....   I cut Holes in it so you can see...    an no buddy will recognize YOU...           

THANKS Lass...     I think I would have pawferred that Ernie play Golf in his KILT to ... that get up.  If you ken what I'm saying.