Vacula the Vicious
by Frankie Furter Price
It was a bright and sunny day. Everything was going along just the way I like them to. I got to be the last one out of bed. I made my morning yard inspection and did my potty things. I helped mom and dad eat their breakfast. I had hardly gotten the 'cliner chair warm when everything began to go to cat crap.
It started when mom turned on the dish licker thing. Have you ever heard one of those? It is horrible. No dachshund ever makes noise like that when they lick dishes clean. I have never understood why mom insists that this dish licker thing does a better job that I could do. Well, of course I would not be able to do the sharp things like knives and stuff, but I would do a grrrreat job on plates and bowls and stuff. So anyway now there is all this awful scary noise happening and I couldn't even get a good morning nap. My nerves were all on edge. It wasn't even time for me to start worrying about where my lunch was. I felt an urge to gather my toys and snacks into the living room where I could watch over them. I jumped out of the 'cliner and got very much busy.
I could already smell the stuff that mom sprays on things. She has tried to tell me that it keeps Vacula away. I know better. I am sure that a fake label has been put over the real one. One that says the bottles are really full of VAC ATTRACT. My day was about to become a