Thursday, February 3, 2011

How to properly CHEWS Wood

Judge Frankie here... in a very much SECRET Location that you can't get through the snow to.
The Mr. Master guy surely does get up and going EARLY in the morning. I had to get up befor Breakfast and get started learning stuffs. My furst lesson had to do with how he Chewes the woods fur working with. It went sort of like this:
FF: Mr. Master how do you Chews the woods that you want?
M.M. Well I look fur nice straight boards that have no knots or knicks. I look each one over very carefully fur good color and grain. Then I run my hand over them to make sure they have no signs of twisting or warping. Sometimes I even smell the boards to check for signs of improper kiln drying. How have you chosen the wood that you use, Frankie?

FF: Mr. Master...SIR, I can see that my CHEWsing technique needs improvement.

FF: I guess I will have to give up my old ways.. No more rooting and sniffing around in a brush pile, lookin fur something that I can just pull out and drag away.

FF: Mostly I went on how good it TASTED. At least I got the smelling pawt right.
I guess I have a LOT to learn about CHEWSing the wood properly.

Note to Self: Do NOT tell Mr. Master that I was really sniffing to check fur PeeMail.
PeeS... Re: Comment yesterday on MangoMinster Blog...from a Certain "Lady".
I want to go on record here and say... I am a Dachshund.. NO dachshund would EVER eat another Dawg.. Hot or otherwise. We prefer to dine on.... TUBE STEAKS and an occasional Stick Steak (in October). We Dachshunds are always PAWlitically Correct!
I'm just BURRRP sayin. scuse me.


Mango said...

I hear Master is running low on fire wood. Please bring some of those tree trunks into the barn immediately or you guys are going to be COLD.


AFSocksScylla said...

WE are COLD just looking at the pictures. Try to stay warm.

Anonymous said...

I never knew dere was so much to pickin lumber . I has a surprise up my hoodie fer yu my furiend watch out fer da peemail

xx xx

Amber DaWeenie said...

I nevers realized how complicated chewing woods could be.....I jus' chewed and swallowed! Hmmmmm...guess I was doin' it all wrong.

Team Beaglebratz said...

Howdy Mr. Judge Frankie sir - Shiloh'n Shasta here. At furst we thought when u sed u wuz gonna lern how tu chew wood - we thought u wuz gonna be fraternizin'with the enemy - Mr. Beever BUTT we wuz shur glad it wuzn't him. There'z alot tu lernin'how tu chew wood the rite way.

Ruby and Penny said...

Frankie you need to CHEWS wood like you CHEWS your wives.
Love ya
Ruby & Penny

Minna Krebs said...

You are becoming a most excellent assistant, Frankie. Butt, pleeeeze stay away from da Power tools!!!!!!

Corbin said...

Hm, those chewsing methods seem a bit off to me!

Sugar the Golden Retriever said...

Woof! Woof! Good Morning Frankie ... Brrrrrr. Stay Warm. Lots of Golden Woofs, Sugar
FYI: sent you an email Woof! Woof!

Kari in WeHo said...

Are you part beaver by chance?


Sammy and Andy said...

We love you, Frankie!!!!!!!!!!!!

Scruffy, Lacie and Stanley's Place said...

You talkin' 'bout me??? The lovely Lacie?...I noticed you put "LADY" in if you might not be SURE regarding my ladylikeness.

As for you not consumin' hot dogs, well, you sure snarfed down the Heinz...thankfully Heinz is made her in Da a case of it for ya.

And if you think I'm gonna bring steak, are you off your rocker????


I will continute my errands of mercy to you, Frankie. I do have an electric blanket for us to share.

And I'm bringing a large marble CAKE with fourteen cups of buttercream frosting and six cups of marshmallow frosting made from all that marshmallow snow outside.



Benny and Lily said...

Is this about beavers, termites or chewing techniques? BOL
Benny & Lily

houndstooth said...

What are you going to make with that wood? Toothpicks? Maybe you can use them to clean your teeth after those steaks!


Alien said...

Well, you know what they say. Beggars can't be "chewsers."

Keep up the good work.


Charlie said...

But where's the water, Frankie?? I thought this was a Sea Quest Herd?

Anyway, I'm with you - I chews wood by the taste!

scotsmad said...

You mean you don't chews wood by taste? Hummmmmmmm, we'll have to think about that.

XXXOOO Daisy, Kendra & Bella

Julia Williams said...

Oh Judge Frankie! I got quite a laugh from the hilarious photo of you in your dashing mop-wig. You wear it well.

road-dog-tales said...

We chews wood the same way you do, Frankie. Nothing wrong with that!

The Road Dogs

Remington said...

Where do you learn all this stuff? You must have the title Professor Frankie....and teach us!

Mack said...

You are really learning the ropes over there in Bawston, huh!?!?!

♥♥♥ The OP Pack ♥♥♥ said...

Frankie, that sounds like a lot more work that we do to chews our wood. TD and Ciara just grab the biggest piece of mulch they can find and chews away:)

Woos ~ Phantom, Thunder, and Ciara

Asta said...

Thank dog that when I was the judge I got to go to a much mowe lee suwely location and didn't have to get up at each his own hehehe
Happy Chewsing
smoochie kisses

Mr. Pip said...

Your secret is safe with me about that whole peemail thing.

Your pal, Pip

P.S: Does that wood taste like chicken by any chance?

Lorenza said...

Sure Mr. Master loves his job!
I guess our chew thing is a little bit different, right?
Take care
Kisses and hugs

Stella said...

Because of my persnickety 'puter, I do miss some posts. So the deal is you are living in the Barn with the Master, is that right. Avoiding Relentless, PeeWee and the DOH? Sounds like a good deal to me.


Jed and Abby in MerryLand said...

Mr. Justice Frankie Furter, it is nice to see your keen and lively mind addressing itself to a new learning experience. That intellectual curiosity is just what makes Your Honor such an excellent Judge.

Charlie raised a good point about the absence of actual "sea" in Your Honor's Sea Quest Heardation. Charlie, Mr. Justice Frankie Furter is indeed surrounded by a sea - of snow. And in case of a sudden thaw, he is going to be clinging to all that wood in an effort to avoid drowning. Instead of a sled, Your Honor, perhaps you should consider building a boat?

Jed & Abby, L.B.E., etc.

Moose said...

BOL Frankie! Tube Steaks? You are a genius! BOL! Momma is giggling over that one!